For a long time I've struggled with the concept of how the Lord's example applies to parenting children because there hasn't been a 'literal' example of being married or raising children 'family' style if you know what I mean. Then a few weeks ago as I was looking for a reference in the scriptures about 'a father who spares the rod hateth his son' after I finished watching a video of Brian Post clarifying that the rod isn't a beating stick, but the staff of the good shepherd, used to guide the sheep, not punish them... Well, he almost has it right... but more on that in a minute. Regardless, I finally understood, REALLY understood.
I was looking up passages in the Bible and Book of Mormon using the term 'rod' in them and I thought, the "rod" has been used in the scriptures a lot as "the word of God" or the scriptures, and as I applied that thought, all the passages, save one, fit that perspective BETTER that what I had always thought the rod was supposed to be... basically, a stick.
For instance, if you don't teach your children the gospel and the scriptures... yes, you 'hate' your child... or spoil them... only not spoil in our modern day meaning, rather spoil as in destroy... as in 'the city was spoiled by thieves". Then I decided to look up the term "rod" in the Merriam Webster dictionary. One of the definitions is a club, like a shepherds cudgel.
Hmm... I thought, interesting because it's different than a staff... the staff is used to guide the sheep... what is the club used for? Immediately it was obvious. It's certainly not for beating the sheep into submission or as punishment. Shepherds NEVER beat their flocks, the flocks know and trust the shepherd, that is why they follow him while he leads the way... the club is to protect the sheep from the enemy! It's to keep them safe! Ultimately we are all sheep, and the rod is the scriptures provided by a loving Heavenly Father for the purpose of keeping us safe from our enemy, Satan, who would destroy us!
Wow, it makes SO MUCH SENSE now. Basically, our job is to teach our children how to use agency and guide them as they go so they will grow and learn, not demand them to do what we want by verbal or physical force... that is pushing them, not leading. Shepherds don't push the sheep... they don't drag the sheep or bribe the sheep... They LOVE the sheep, and they lead the way to safety. The sheep follow because they know the shepherd will keep them safe and they want to be near the shepherd.
When we see our children making wrong decisions that would lead them astray from the flock, we teach them gospel principles, using the scriptures and the words of Christ, and then let them choose. When we force our will upon them we become as wolves in sheep's clothing, or worse, cause them to leave the flock because they cannot trust the shepherd to lead them which leaves them vulnerable to the ravenous wolves.
It becomes more and more apparent to me as each day passes how backwards our world really is and how this has caused so many parents, in earnest desire for the welfare of their children to do the very things that drive the sheep even further from the fold, leaving these parent heartbroken and not understanding what went wrong...
I am more and more grateful as each day passes that the Lord placed something in my path for me to stumble over that caused me to stop and have a closer look. My eyes were opened, I saw the truth of how broken and even damaging my parenting compass was. The Savior took it and offered in exchange of my broken, useless compass, a true compass. His compass, my Liahona, is filled with his Light and Love and he has promised that if I will follow his course, though at times the path will be difficult and the journey seem long, I will not be alone in my travels and will find peace and joy unlike any I've ever known.
